Living as an American comes with it certain inalienable rights, such as the right to acquire and protect property and the freedom to enjoy and defend our lives and liberty. As citizens of the greatest country on Earth, it is our duty to stand at the ready to defend these rights from potential government overreach at all times. That is why I’ve decided to fly this flag adorned with an assault rifle accompanied with the phrase “Come and Take It” outside my house, but to be clear, that flag is specifically in reference to the SNES Super Scope that I’ve owned since 1992. I was just unable to find a flag with that specific image.

Can you imagine living in a country where any tyrant can arrange for troops to break into your house and steal the light gun accessory that you once used to destroy your little sister Molly’s high score in Mole Patrol, which caused her to throw a temper tantrum so epic that it made your whole family late for church? It seems far-fetched, but I assure you, crazier things have happened. I fly this flag as a warning to any and all despot leaders that they’d better think twice before trying to waltz in here. I’m not bluffing when I say the only way you can take this thing is from my cold, dead hands. 

Well, either that or by offering me more than $60 on Ebay.

And don’t go thinking that an authoritarian would limit his intrusion to our SNES Super Scopes. What, you think your NES Zapper would be safe? Your PlayStation VR Aim Controller? Please. They wouldn’t stop until they’ve cleared your house of all your beloved video game gun peripherals, both old and new. The best way for us to preclude this nightmare scenario is to make our voices heard right now. 

If you were under the impression that being a patriot would be easy, you were sadly mistaken. They say the best offense is a good defense, so I implore you to proudly display the same thinly-veiled threat outside your house, lest you find yourself suddenly having to resort to using your regular controller while playing “Lamborghini American Challenge”. You’ve been warned.