THE SHIRE – Authorities were called to the 7/11sies on the corner of Tighfield and Glen, after nearly a dozen hobbits drunkenly arrived and trashed the place, our sources report. 

“They showed up, mugs in hand, ready to dance on the counter tops, and sing local folk songs until they passed out,” said Officer Stanburry, who was the first officer on the scene. “We got statements from the Bree-clerk who was working at the time, as well as a travelling dwarf who stopped for some feed, they told me all I needed to hear.”

Body cam footage of the arrests shows the officer, along with back-up, struggling to corral the rowdy hobbits as they drunkenly sang The Road Goes Ever On, in a clip that has since gone viral online. 

“Alls I’s was doin’ was gettin’ a pack of smokes!” yelled one of the drunken hobbits as he was put in the back of the police carriage, his hobbit party continuing to sing throughout the chaos. “You’ve gotta *belch* read me my rights or I’ll sue your ass, do you even *hiccup* know who my dad is?”

Reports like this have been up ever since the return of Bilbo Baggins and his friends, forcing law enforcement to work around the clock to handle mass celebration across The Shire. 

“This is the third time we’ve filled the baggin wagon tonight, and there’s no end in sight,” said Chief Officer Cellwilm Cottonfrog. “There’s not enough mead in the world to quench the thirst of a nation of hobbits unshackled by the fear of Sauron’s reign, makes me want to have a drink myself in fact.” The actively working official then took a swig from a flask he produced from his desk. 

At press time, a roaming hoard of intoxicated hobbits were seen travelling from Longbottom to North Farthing, drinking every pub dry along the way.