SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Dorian Creech, a self-proclaimed ally of the LGBTQ+ community who spends dozens of hours a day virtue signally on social media, has quietly locked-in his pre-order for Hogwarts Legacy 2, sources close to him have confirmed.

“We were talking about upcoming games that we were looking forward to and he just kind of let it slip,” claimed Creech’s friend, Ted Fincher, in a post he made to the AITA subreddit wondering if he was right in calling out Creech’s hypocrisy. “He’s always been pretty adamant he supports trans people, so I was shocked to hear he pre-ordered Hogwarts Legacy 2. It hasn’t even been officially announced yet, so he really went out of his way for it which is more than I’ve seen him do for trans people. When I called him out on it, he said I was an asshole for trying to force him to pass a moral purity test and he stormed off.”

Creech defended his pre-order, claiming it doesn’t make a difference to anything.

“It’s just a video game. J.K. Rowling is already rich and powerful, just because she gets money from the game and I’m directly lining her pockets with my purchase, it’s not like I’m funding her transphobic crusade. I am a staunch ally of the LGBTQ+ community. I spend hours every day on BlueSky, jumping into randos mentions to admonish them for microaggressions. What more do you want from me?”

Mitch Murray, a spokesperson for W.B. Games, said in a statement that they just want the game to speak for itself.

“We understand that J.K. Rowling is a touchy subject for people for various reasons. But Hogwarts Legacy and it’s soon to be announced sequel are made for Harry Potter fans of all walks of life. Whether they’re fans that already hate trans people or just fans that are okay putting their childhood nostalgia over the well-being of a vulnerable group of marginalized people. We our inclusive of,” Murray grew quiet as a man in a black suit and sunglasses whispered in his ear. “Apparently David Ellison is my boss now so scratch all that. Fuck you wokies, this game is for real Americans only.”

At press time, J.K. Rowling used the commission cheque from Creech’s pre-order to bribe U.K. politicians to pass the “Kill Trans People Now Act”.