REDMOND, Wash — XBOX Boss, Asha Sharma, has confirmed that along with the 3,200 staff set to lose their jobs through the next financial year, Microsoft has also euthanized platforming mascot Crash Bandicoot. Sharma shared the news earlier this morning via a company wide email.

“This is all part of resetting our content portfolio,” Sharma wrote before proclaiming her excitement for the upcoming fourth remake of Halo: Combat Evolved. “We just have too many platform mascots. It was either committing to making a new platformer with Crash, or putting him out of his misery. The latter was just easier for us. We’ve gotten pretty good at layoffs, and what is euthanization if not just the ultimate layoff?”

Sharma went on to confirm that Bandicoot passed peacefully surrounded by his friends and family. Doctor Neo Periwinkle Cortex was there with Crash in his final moments.

“His only regret was that we didn’t get another kart racer,” Cortex said, sharing that he held Bandicoot’s hand until he passed. “We knew our time was limited when Microsoft bought our parent company. Our friend Blinx has worked for them for decades now. We saw how they treated him and knew we’d be looking at a similar situation. Never in 100 years did I think they would put the bandicoot down. And they call me evil.”

Sharma concluded her email with hope for the future of XBOX and gaming as a whole.

“Crash was an important part of XBOX history, but we need to be looking forward, not back,” Sharma wrote before reiterating her excitement for the upcoming remake, Halo: Campaign Evolved. “To make XBOX stronger, we need to kill pieces of it. The people, studios, and IP that aren’t Halo, Gears, Forza, Fable, or COD have got to go. This hurts a lot, but I promise anyone who should be held accountable for our failures, will stay on at XBOX and probably get some sort of bonus.”

At press time, Sharma was seen with a sniper trained on Spyro the Dragon.