WASHINGTON. — Lindsey Graham, longtime Republican Senator from South Carolina, died on Saturday evening at the age of 71 after Mitch McConnell reportedly regained consciousness long enough to say “Your soul is mine.”

“He just looked like Lindsey for a couple minutes, it was unbelievable,” a spokesman from McConnell’s office said. “He even mumbled about how Ted Cruz should be next. We got really excited thinking he’d be back on his feet, but I guess it was too much to ask for. Still, we remain optimistic; one moment, he was a rough 84. By the time the life force dried up, he was a youthful 84. Like watching Dorian Grey in real life.”

When asked about his condition, McConnell’s doctor shared a similar sentiment.

“By Thursday standards? Better than ever,” he said, proudly. “A spring chicken. I wouldn’t be surprised if we move him back up to brain dead status after what happened with Lindsey. I might even be up for a Lasker Award if I manage to successfully replicate the process. I’ve already been contacted by several tech moguls and Ed Boon to fund research into a full blown Soulnado.”

President Donald Trump claims he spoke to McConnell for about 20 minutes after the successful soul steal.

“Mitch is doing beautifully. Much better than  he’s been in some time. It’s great to see. He sucked Lindsay Graham’s soul up. Sucked it right up, yes he did. Put Lindsey down like a dog. It was a terrific thing. Gas prices are going down thanks to Freedom Fuel. The Strait is open. Lindsey Lohan will be missed. I loved her in Herbie.”

At press time, Chuck Grassley has already been selected for medical trials.