GREEN HILLS, Mont. — At a press junket for Sonic 4, Sonic the Hedgehog dropped a deuce of a story when he admitted he has diarrhea all the time.

“It’s basically a constant stream,” said Sonic. “Or spray, as the case might be,” leaving a brown puddle in the interview chair for somebody else to clean up. “People are always wonder how I’m able to run so fast since hedgehogs aren’t really quick creatures. Well it’s simply because I’m always looking for a toilet or receptacle of some kind. Sometimes I make it. Sometimes”

The residents of Hedgehog Town, when asked, said they wondered what that smell was.

“When he ran past, there would be a blue streak followed by a brown mist. Now I know that mist was dookie. It was dookie the whole time.” said one resident who planned to take a very hot shower. “When he stops at traffic lights it’s like his butthole is the exhaust pipe of an idling jalopy, sputtering feces onto the street in a rhythmic discharge. It’s this vile ‘plop plop plop’ sound that just turns my stomach.”

“It’s all those fucking chili dogs,” said Sonic’s girlfriend, Amy Rose. “I try to get him to eat vegetables to no avail. He’s just addicted to those complex nitrates.” Adding, “It’s disgusting.”

At press time, Sonic is under investigation by the CDC as potentially being the cause of the recent diarrhea outbreak.