Gamers love to argue, and that cannot be disputed. Day and night, they’re constantly bickering over their favorite games and which one has the best jiggle physics or some such nonsense. One consistent debate that arises time and time again within the gaming community is: which “rogue-like” game reigns supreme? Which perma-death, start-n’-restart bullet hell or hack-n’-slash is the king of them all? Is it “The Binding of Isaac”, with its oppressive atmosphere and memorable boss fights? “Hades”, with its distinct art style and Greek myth-inspired story? Or perhaps even “Enter the Gungeon”, in which players enter a gungeon? No, my dear gamers. Today we’re here to settle the debate once and for all. The greatest rogue-like of all is, in fact, Life itself. 

What’s more “rogue-like” than Life? I mean, think about it: you wake up in the same place every day (your bed), often without any money. It’s kind of like each sleep cycle is the start of the next run. All of the areas beyond your basic hub locations are essentially procedurally-generated by your eyeballs, as you don’t know what you’ll find behind a door you’ve never gone through or a corner you’ve never turned. It can also be filled with shady NPCs whose motives in speaking to you are completely unknown. There are new surprises around every corner, and you might even find some items that, when thrown at people, will cause them to take damage. 

Now this concept may be unfamiliar to most gamers, but just like some rogue-likes, Life does allow you to romance certain characters. Be warned, though: you’ll have to spec into Speech and Charisma far more than in other titles. And don’t be tempted by the idea that giving them repeated gifts will increase their affinity for you. Oh no, young grasshopper – in Life, that’s what’s commonly known as “love-bombing”, and it will win you no favors. 

Life even has bosses that are steeped in history and lore. Most of them are billionaires who earned their treasure through nefarious means, or nebulous institutions and concepts like the IRS (or perhaps even capitalism itself.) It will take you many, many runs to defeat them (if you ever do), but know that at the end of the game, most will be in the same place as you: beneath the ground for your final rest as the end credits roll. That’s what makes Life one of the greatest rogue-likes ever conceived: time moves at the same exact pace you do, making the total playtime hundreds of thousands of hours long. 

Yet another reason why Life is the greatest rogue-like ever? The companions that you find along the way actually stay with you on your journey once befriended. That’s right: you can wake up for a new run and find that some will continually fight by your side. Of course, just like any game with role-playing elements, you have to keep these relationships from turning sour, but you’ll often find that with just a little bit of effort, you’ll befriend people who’ll stay with you the whole game. Together you can go out to drink potions that will turn the environments around you hazy and decrease your Speech stat, but give you increased Courage. 

So what do you say? Have we convinced you to put down the controller, step outside, touch grass and experience the greatest rogue-like of all: the experience of living? Spend the whole night arguing about it in the comments below!