REDWOOD CITY, Calif. – With the introduction of The Sims 4 marketplace, EA has utilized a “Roblox-like” template for the way players interact and buy add-ons in the latest entry of the legendary series. However, earlier this week the publisher announced that the launch has underperformed in attracting pedophiles to the game’s ecosystem. EA CEO, Andrew Wilson, during a press conference earlier this week, reiterated the importance of this new key demographic to the company’s future.

“For years we have made games for children. Then we realized, kids don’t have any fucking money.” Wilson said before pausing the conference to partake in his new favorite hobby of chopping a games journalist into tiny pieces. “You know who does have money? Pedophiles. Like lots of it. Like so much money, that they’re so bored with it and it doesn’t give them the thrill that it used to. You know what does thrill them now? Chasing young tail online. And we’re here to give them that thrill.”

After wiping the blood from his hands, Wilson went into detail about upcoming changes that would be implemented to the marketplace, in hopes of attracting more pedophiles.

“We’re throwing out all moderation,” Wilson said to a room of nervous journalists. “We want the pedophiles to feel safe when playing our games. You can’t feel safe when someone is over your shoulder watching you type sweet nothings to an underage gamer. Now if an underage gamer is making trouble for you, we’ll readily step in, because you have money and those dumb little cunts do not.”

Avid pedophile hunter, Chris Hansen is not impressed by EA’s efforts.

“They need to take a seat and get out of my lane,” Hansen said in a Zoom call, before confirming that he was simultaneously using his second monitor to hunt pedophiles on Roblox. “If anyone is going to get rich off the exploitation of the dark side of the internet it’s going to be me. Anyway, I am not impressed by The Sims 4 selection of pedos, I’ll be sticking to Roblox for my hunts moving forward.”

At press time, Hansen was given a lifetime ban from Roblox .