EDINBURGH, Scotland – Grand Theft Auto VI has once again been delayed by Rockstar Games. The delay-prone studio announced that the additional development time would be used to polish and scrub subtext from the game. Sam Houser, President and co-founder of Rockstar Games, confirmed the latest delay in a press conference earlier today.

“We love our subtext here at Rockstar, but we think we went a little heavy-handed this time,” Houser said before spotting a pro-union sign across the room and pausing the press conference to rip it up and throw it in the trash. “The thing about subtext is that it is interpreted differently for all of us. What is a rallying cry for the oppressed and powerless can be seen as really really mean to nice people like me.”

Houser assured members of the press that Grand Theft Auto VI would still be a sharp satire about America and capitalism but would do its best to make sure players in leadership roles would not feel targeted by the game’s subtext.

“No c-suite playing our game should have to worry about their subordinates misconstruing moments in the narrative as ‘pro-union’ or ‘pro-labor,’ ” Houser said before pulling a pro-union flyer off a nearby door and swallowing it whole. “I will say we have completely reworked the game’s antagonist. He was originally an evil CEO named Cam Mouser. Looking back, we now see that decision was offensive, so the character will now be called Adriane Bonus, an evil agent of chaos who wants to steal all the player’s money.”

We caught up with our source inside Rockstar Games, who is busy bringing the long-awaited sequel to the finish line.

“Can’t talk. Can’t sleep. Can’t see family,” our source said in a Zoom call while crying underneath their desk. “Can’t talk. Can’t sleep. Can’t see family.”

At press time, Houser pulled a fork and steak knife from his pocket to cut up and devour a Rockstar employee who was seen handing out pro-union pamphlets, earlier that day.