It really feels like time moves faster the older we get, doesn’t it? It seems to hit us gamers even harder when we see our favorite childhood first person shooters being described as “retro,” or we realize the people we’re playing in Rocket League are less than half our age. Well, we’re certainly not here to calm your apprehensions about growing old. Case in point, do you remember the Sink Baby from P.T.? It turns out he’s now 11 years old and has just won Most Improved Player in his youth basketball league!

Wow! First off, congratulations to him, but can he do us all a favor and revert back to the bloody, pre-natal monstrosity we remember writhing around in that sink? We’d definitely appreciate it!

Seriously, where did the time go? One minute, he’s terrifying us with those tortured wails reverberating through the halls of that cryptic, haunted suburban house, and the next minute he’s impressing his coach at the Hoop Zone Basketball League so much with his dedication to footwork, body control, and rebounding that he gets rewarded with an awesome trophy of a bronzed figure mid-layup. Of course we’re happy for him, but it may be time for us to start shopping for bifocals, because we are officially old!

Apparently, the Sink Baby was really struggling at the onset of this season, and his team, the Vatale’s Diner Hurricanes, started out with a dismal 0-4 record. However, he started showing up early to practice at Romine Elementary to work on his free throws as well as staying after to run extra laps around the court, and his team finished the season at 7-5! He even led the gang in assists in their last game, which was a heartbreaking 88 to 85 loss to the Riverfront Automotive Group Wildcats. 

Seriously, where has the time gone? What’s next, did Lisa just qualify for AARP?

At any rate, congratulations to the Sink Baby and the rest of his team on their dynamite season, and we just know we’ll be seeing them in the championships next year if they keep their noses to the grindstone and work together. In the meantime, we don’t know what we’re going to do about ourselves, because if the Sink Baby’s rapid transformation into a dedicated little basketball star is any indication, the next article you see will be about our performance in the local nursing home’s bocce ball league!