EDMONTON, Alberta — Famed RPG maker BioWare is no more after the Saudi officials who recently acquired the studio’s parent company EA released the Genophage throughout the game studio, eliminating almost all staff in the process.

“It’s unfortunate but it’s something that had to be done. Me and my friends in the Saudi regime bought this company to make money, not to pay employees and fund video game development,” claimed Jared Kushner, EA minority owner and husband of Donald Trump’s crush. “The fact of the matter is that now that we are in charge things are gonna change, for the better if your rich and for the worse if you aren’t. I know we said that things wouldn’t change but that’s these lowly devs fault for believing their lives were worth more than our profit margin. Frankly that was selfish of them.”

When pressed for comment, a representative of the Saudis who threatened to make us disappear if we published his name had the following to say.

“Buying EA was a very important step in taking control of western media and we can’t accomplish that if there’s a studio under our watch making blasphemous evil games like BioWare. They had to be eliminated and let this be a warning to every studio on our watch. You better get in line, make the games we demand the way we demand them to be made and there won’t be a problem. Unless of course you don’t meet our sales projections in which case, your lives are forfeit.”

While the Genophage wiped out most BioWare employees there were some survivors.

“I barely made it out of their with my life and resume. I’m shocked and appalled that this happened and I mourn for my co-workers,” said Ted Jenkins. “I’m lucky to be alive. This is unfortunately far too common an occurrence, I mean just a few months ago I was at 343 when Asha Sharma initiated a glassing of the studio. I thought I’d be safe here. I don’t think I’ll be safe anywhere.”

At press time, employees at Respawn have reportedly been sent corporate memos featuring photos of their families.