STAMFORD, Conn. — After months of professional wrestling fans chanting “Fuck ICE” during AEW shows, the WWE has decided to finally counter their competition by having famed luchador Rey Mysterio deported.

“Well, uh, you see uh, we don’t pay attention uh, to that other company uh. They aren’t uh, worth our time uh. Except when they uh, put on pay per views uh. This decision had uh, nothing to do uh, with us uh, trying to counter AEW uh,” explained WWE’s Chief Content Officer Paul ‘Triple H’ Levesque at a press conference. “We uh, just decided uh, that what’s best for business uh, is to keep the show apolitical uh. No one wants politics uh, in their escapism uh. And the best way uh, to keep uh, politics out uh, is to deport all the Hispanic wrestlers uh. Who better uh, to start with than Rey uh. At least uh, that’s what my good family friend uh, Donald Trump thought,” Levesque then spit water towards the reporters before walking off.

Levesque’s mother-in-law and current US Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, claims that the Trump Administration was not involved in the WWE’s decision.

“Neither I nor anyone else in this administration asked Paul to do this. I mean when would we even have time,” said McMahon. “I’m too busy dismantling the education system, RFK Jr. is too busy chugging bottles of windshield wiper fluid and Don is prowling for little girls that look like Ivanaka. I’m proud to say he took the initiative to deport Rey Mysterio all on his own. It’s fine though because they still have luchador representation but proper luchadores like El Grande Americano, Rayo Americano and Bravo Americano who are all white Europeans doing fake accents.”

WWE Hall of Famer and self-proclaimed rock star Kid Rock applauded the decision. 

“Wrestlers like Rey Mysterio come to this country from third world nations like San Diego and steal jobs from hard working American luchadores,” Rock said. “What has Rey Mysterio ever contributed to wrestling or American culture? Nothing that’s what. No one will miss him. He is a stain on this great sport that we, the Americans, invented, and was appropriated by these undesirables. We must keep our culture pure, culture like my hit song Bawitdaba. Real American art.” 

At press time, rumors began circulating that WWE was about to change Cody Rhodes’ gimmick into a character named Captain ICE, who will be the company’s top babyface.