WASHINGTON — In a shocking turn of events, Kash Patel, the Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, is reportedly struggling through the opening hours of L.A. Noire. Multiple anonymous sources with the FBI confirmed Patel’s struggles earlier this week.

“He has just been picking up evidence and staring at it for hours,” said one anonymous source before confiding in us that they spit in Patel’s coffee every morning. “I told him he needed to move the object around and try to deduce how it played into the crime at hand. He just stared at me blankly with that stupid look on his stupid face. He then waited for me to leave before asking Grok to define “deduce, but in a sexy and respectful tone”.

All FBI investigations headed by Patel have been suspended indefinitely, while he works his way through this latest challenge. Sources fear cases will fall behind even further than they already have, since Patel’s confirmation in February.

“He was just wandering about the first warehouse aimlessly,” said another source who also confided with a smile that they defecate in Patel’s coffee every morning. “He had found all the evidence in the first investigation area, something he would have picked up on if he could hear the musical cue over the Joe Rogan Experience blaring from his phone.”

After failing to leave the first area for half of the work day, Patel reportedly recruited the help of a young FBI intern to finish the game’s tutorial. 

“Mr. Patel actually got through most of the game himself,” said the intern before confiding in us that Patel requires them to taste test his coffee each morning, which they pretend to do before presenting it to him. “He just got stuck on the interrogation portion. He kept trying to doubt each statement, but I reminded him that he could try other tactics. He had to look up those other tactics, but once he asked his AI about them, he was firing on all cylinders. I think Mr. Patel is going to breeze through this game now.”

At press time, Patel had reportedly triggered another “case failed” screen by driving through a crime scene for the twentieth time.