BOCA CHICA, Texas. — Billionaire divorcee, and man still searching for one real friend, Elon Musk, has unintentionally revealed that he still frequently plays a Sims save in which he is happily married to his high school crush. 

Musk made the revelation on his social media platform X – the Everything App while in an argument with an anonymous user who claimed he wasn’t a real gamer.

“I’m as real as it gets. Definitely more of a gamer than you. I still have a Sims save from high school that I still keep up with. That’s how dedicated I am because I don’t just play games. I cultivate worlds and nurture them to sweet maturity,” wrote Musk in between an excessive amount of laughing emojis. “These Sims could be conscious not knowing they’re in a simulation so it is my duty as their God to watch over and make sure things are going well. It’s a nice save file where me and my high school sweetheart Jessica are married with three kids, all of whom maintain the gender I assigned them, and live with a white picket fence in a pure all white neighbourhood. These sims are blissfully free of the woke mind virus.”

Gamers were quick to pick up on the detail that the Sims file has Elon married to who he claims was his high school sweetheart but internet sleuths quickly found out it’s simply a girl he had a crush on.

“So he claims the girl he’s married to in his save is his high school sweetheart but some I did some digging and there’s only one girl named Jessica who Elon went to high school with. Not only has she never indicated that she and Elon dated, but records seem to indicate she has a restraining order against him,” wrote user mommymilkies67 on Reddit. “And if we look into the online footprint of his other classmates, it seems he had no friends, let alone girlfriends in high school. He was a big loser who just had a crush, made her in the Sims to marry her and is still playing it.”

Elon himself fought back against these allegations.

“The radical left is attacking me and trying to undermine my high school love. No, the Jessica I went to high school with is not my high school sweetheart. My high school sweetheart is a different Jessica who went to school in Canada. That’s why I made her in the Sims. The distance became too much and her love for me fizzled out but mine for hers never did. That’s why I’ve been divorced three times. Because all this time I’ve still only had love for Jessica. I still yearn for her. So I play the Sims file I have in order to imagine the life I could have had. I just watch the Sims be happy and I imagine it’s me. One day I will be loved.”

At press time, it was discovered that Elon was paying someone else to play The Sims for him.