LONDON, United Kingdom — 007: First Light came under significant scrutiny earlier this week, after it became clear the game promised unrealistic fantasies for its player base.

“Oh for god sake,” said IO Interactive CEO Hakan Abrak. “It’s escapist entertainment. The idea is for the player to forget about the shit world they’re currently living in, and enjoy something in the few brief moments they can scrounge up between their three jobs. Will these losers ever french kiss a model or beat up a skinhead? Doubtful, but we can let them dream.”

007: First Light, while serving as a prequel story to the Bond franchise, maintains many of the popular tropes present in previous films. Intense chases, chaste sex scenes, and the opportunity to mow down legions of fascists. 

“It’s just not right,” explained Victor Darts, president of Common Sense Gaming. “Our kids need to know that there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and that the bad guy always gets away. We can’t let them grow up thinking the justice system works, or that there’s a handsome man with a license to deliver state-sanctioned violence unto ne’er-do-wells.”

The furor generated by the game has generated much public debate, hundreds of videos from hate farms, and has even earned a response from His Majesty’s government.

“While I’m happy that James Bond is finally getting the digital computer game he deserves, I do have some reservations,” said seatwarmer PM Keir Starmer. “Namely that there’s no option to acknowledge that the other side makes some good points, or to offer them a position of power in government.”

At press time, IO Interactive agreed to lock all sex scenes behind digital ID “hotness” verification, or to those who purchased the Deluxe Edition.