BURBANK, Calif. – In a terrifying turn of events for everyone involved, Insomniac employees reported seeing an unnamed Sony executive entering their office building early this morning. Quick to act, Insomniac leadership initiated a code red, locking all employees in their conference room, in hopes of keeping them all safe. We caught up with a few Insomniac employees over the phone to assess the ongoing situation.

“I saw him in the parking lot this morning,” said Chloe Gutierrez, a level designer who refused to give us a scoop on Marvel’s Wolverine during the phone call. “He was walking in circles, talking to someone, but no one was there. He just kept saying, ‘Must please the shareholders. Anything for the shareholders.’ He then took some practice swings with his machete. They were pathetic, but all-in-all, still a scary thing to witness.”

The alleged Sony executive is still unidentified and still unaccounted for, but one Insomniac employee was quick to proclaim that the man was in fact a Sony executive.

“The hair plugs were a dead giveaway,” said Kyle Smits, an art designer who refused to confirm if Romulus would be in Marvel’s Wolverine. “He also walked in and made a joke about, “cutting through all the noise” and then swiped at the air. That corny mother fucker is a C-suite cyst, for sure.”

We were able to get a hold of Chad Dezern, Head of Creative at Insomniac Games to confirm that the executive was still in the building and that all employees were still currently employed.

“We’ve got enough food in here to wait this guy out. He’ll try to break into the room around Friday, but we’ll be ready for him,” Dezern said in a video call before holding a gun up to the camera. “Thankfully when Ted [Price] retired, he gave everyone here a gun. He said we should only use them when Sony rears its ugly face. We were confused at that moment, but now we’re so thankful for his sage advice.”

At press time Sony confirmed that it had sent an executive to make cuts at a studio, but that executive had gone to the wrong studio by mistake.