REDMOND, Wash. — The latest Xbox Showcase highlighted up-and-coming game studios to be hit by layoffs in the coming years. CEO of Microsoft Gaming, Asha Sharma, confirmed the impending doom for these studios throughout the showcase video.

“We’ve got a lot of great studios that we will be stripping down to the bare bones in the next calendar year,” Sharma said before reminding the audience that Microsoft once sold Tango Gameworks to an AI sweatshop. “We are going through each of these studios and making the necessary cuts in QA, art, marketing, and honestly every department. If we’re lucky, we will get to completely shut down a few of these bad boys!”

Sharma licked her lips and moaned as the showcase proceeded into the partner segments. In this moment, the white in her eyes disappeared, overtaken by a bright red glow.

“Now we don’t own the studios in this part of the show, but we could,” Sharma said, wiping the saliva off her chin before biting her lower lip. “Oh, to have them to do with as I please. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when. Oh, how I can’t wait to tear them limb from limb.”

To end the showcase, Sharma opened a pit in the floor before her.

“And this, this beautiful pit is what it’s all about,” Sharma said. “All of these games will be day one releases in my content hole. Come on in. Come into my content hole and play with my content to your puny heart’s desire. You’ve nothing else to do. We laid you off. Come play in my content hole. I’ve gathered all the best content just for you. All you need is one ticket, which I can sell you for $22.99 a month. Come on in.”

At press time, Sharma received thunderous applause after she announced that the Xbox logo would become an even deeper green.