ST. LOUIS — After a years long search to find a “Joe Rogan of the Left” to boost the profiles of their chosen candidates, the Democratic party has potentially found their salvation in Bobo, a brain damaged silverback gorilla that still understands a little sign language. 

Bobo, a twenty year old silverback gorilla who lives in captivity in the St. Louis Zoo gained the attention of journalist and Democratic consultant Matt Yglesias after a clip of the primate making the sign for, “Love is love”, went viral on Instagram.

“This is who the Democrats need to be courting if they want to win in 2028,” Yglesias wrote in his newsletter. “When I wrote One Billion Americans, primates were included in that number. Furthermore, Joe Rogan is proof Americans respond positively to any ape-adjacent talking head who can hoot and holler without actually saying anything of substance on a podcast, and who hoots better than a gorilla? ”

Dr. Peggy Reynolds, a primatologist at the St. Louis Zoo, who helps care for Bobo, explained the shortcomings of the Democrat consultants scheme. 

“In human terms, your average gorilla may have an IQ between 70-80,” Dr. Reynolds said. “Bobo was struck by a forty pound tree limb that landed squarely on his head. This resulted in a marked decrease in intelligence, an uptick in violent behavior toward the other gorillas in the enclosure, and he can now only sign a handful of words and phrases, with ‘love is love’ being one example. I’m not sure what the Democratic party could hope to achieve by recruiting Bobo. This seems like another misguided attempt to fix a problem of their own creation, plus don’t they already have Fetterman?”  

New York Times columnist and co-author of the book Abundance, Ezra Klein, expressed his unbridled excitement at the prospect of working directly with Bobo to usher in a new era for the Democrats in a column for the Times.

“I asked ChatGPT if it was a good idea to recruit an unusually violent and mentally deficient gorilla to help the Democrats recapture some of the audience they lost to Joe Rogan,” Klein wrote. “Not only did it tell me it was a good idea, it said it was probably the only way to save the party, and how specifically brilliant and special and smart I was to suggest it. ‘You’re not just changing the paradigm—you’re creating an entirely new one’, these were the words that convinced me to go to Bobo for his first interview and introduce him to a nation yearning for a Rogan of the Left. This is the beginning of a new age for the Democrats, and it’s all thanks to one very special gorilla.”

At press time staff at the St. Louis Zoo were attempting to retrieve the dismembered corpse of Ezra Klein who had snuck into the enclosure after being denied entry by the primate caretakers.