Mushroom Kingdom — During the latest episode of the Toad Rogan Experience (TRE), Waluigi admitted to partaking in the wildly popular penis enhancement practice known as dickmaxxing. GG Tribune has transcribed relevant parts of the episode for this report. 

“Sadly, I was not born with this” said Waluigi while gesturing to his swollen groin. “Everybody always talking about Waluigi’s impressive size but they deserve to know the truth. Everyday I take a grocery bag, wrap it around my wrist, and fill it with brick blocks. Then, I grab onto my sensory ligament and stretch it. I used to inject fat dissolver into my mons pubis but that hurt too much. Wahhhhhh!”

The podcast ended with Waluigi explaining the other techniques he uses to modify his physical appearance. 

“I take one of those giant hammer items that doesn’t stop swinging from Super Smash Bros and repeatedly smash my face to permanently re-shape it” said Waluigi. “As the microfractures heal they rebuild into a stronger structure, giving me a more chiseled look. I’m told it’s what the ladies want. Also, I use crystal meth to maintain my lean physique. Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” 

In response to the podcast episode, Dr. Mario uploaded a video to YouTube explaining why the methods Waluigi is using to alter his physical figure are incredibly harmful. 

“It’s-a no good” said Dr. Mario while frantically filling out prescriptions. “This kind of behaviour is-a why there’s a loneliness epidemic among young men in the Mushroom Kingdom. It’s-a not going to get girls to like you. Take my brother Luigi for example. He was able to bag a baddie like Princess Daisy and trust me, he’s-a not dickmaxxing.” 

At press time, Waluigi confirmed during one of his Kick streams that he had rhinoplasty surgery to make his nose the same colour as the rest of his face.