SANTA MONICA, Calif. — American video game publisher Activision has announced upcoming first-person shooter Call of Duty: Northern Aggression, sources report.

“We’ve been listening to what our fans really want, and we’re proud to announce this newest addition to our beloved Call of Duty franchise,” spokesperson Chet Beasley told reporters. “Players will finally get to take on the role of innocent Southern soldiers in the 1860s who are forced into defending the rights of the states they inhabit after the evil, soulless Union army invades and tries to force their way of life onto them. Call of Duty players have been extremely vocal about their views on this particular subject, especially during online play, for decades at this point, so we can’t wait to give them what they’ve been asking for.”

Call of Duty player Byron Richardson was ecstatic after hearing the announcement.

“Oh, hell yeah, dude,” Richardson said. “I’ve been telling people for years that the Civil War was really a war of Northern aggression, so it feels great to have my opinion validated by this new game. It’s common knowledge that the Confederates were really just fighting against a senseless invasion that had nothing to do with certain labor practices that they may or may not have been employing. I can’t wait to take on the role of a Virginian farmer and let those dirty Yanks have it at Antietam. This is going to be so much fun!”

Historian Adara Driscoll reacted to the news.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” Driscoll sighed while shaking her head. “I’m well aware of the Call of Duty fanbase and why they would be thrilled by this announcement, but clearly, the Civil War was not a war of Northern aggression. It was fought because the Confederate states wanted to flee the Union so they could continue owning slaves. Period. Slavery is explicitly mentioned in each state’s Ordinance of Secession. If Activision wants to cater to its racist fanbase by releasing the game, so be it. I’ll just focus on trying to keep this nonsense out of textbooks because, as I’m sure you’re well aware, that’s much more pressing in our current political climate.”

At press time, Activision had announced a DLC containing a John Wilkes Booth sidequest.