I had no idea when I was buying the VR version of ‘007 First Light’ that it would turn out to be the first real test my wife and I have faced since getting married until James Bond tried to repeatedly kiss her. The worst part was she started to kind of like it near the end. 

At the start, she politely declined Bond’s first eight attempts to kiss her. Each time she would nicely ask him to take a step back and let her focus on finishing the mission at hand. He grumbled and groaned but eventually he would back off and let her continue blowing up cat walks by shooting very poorly placed explosive red barrels. He was persistent but she stood firm. 

Which only fuelled Bond more because as we all know he likes when his romantic interests fight back a little, but only until they eventually give in to his unrelenting British charm. And give in she did. She was leaning into that shit on his ninth attempt. Our TV room walls were more lipstick red than egg shell white once he was done with her. I was so mad but I had no idea what to do. It would have been suicide to try and fight the world’s best assassin, even if it was only a virtual version of him.

So, I am calling on IO Interactive CEO and Co-owner, Hakan B. Abrak, to step in and get his team working on an update as soon as possible to fix this. I can’t live like this. I could handle it if he was just a bit pushy but it’s his complete and total lack of self awareness that really pissed me off. I swear to god at one point he even looked at me and winked before sticking his tongue down my wife’s throat. Who does that? Just kiss my wife. You don’t have to be a dick about it and taunt me. 

Actually, never mind, I take back what I said. I don’t want IO Interactive to update the game anymore. I played it for the first time after my wife was done and it was… life changing. I mean James is so charismatic and brave and handsome. Yes he did come on strong at first and I was a bit standoffish but once he finally kissed me I didn’t look back. I think I’m gonna leave my wife for him.