If there is one thing FBI Agent Robert Nightingale loves more than nabbing Alan Wake for his heinous crimes, it’s yelling author-based insults at his suspect while doing it. Nightingale may be dead and gone, but his legacy of being a well-read spitfire lives on through his journal entries, which were recently obtained by The GG Tribune. These entries contained multiple author-based insults that never saw the light of day. For the first time ever, here are Robert Nightingale’s unused insults.

Use these when pursuing Alan Wake

By: Robert Nightingale

Where’s the fire, Bradbury?!

Stop what you’re doing, R.R. Martin!

Face down on the pavement, McCarthy!

I’ll give you a walk to remember, Nick Sparks!

You did the crime now here comes the punishment, Dostoevsky!!

I have not so great expectations for you, Dickens!

Maybe you can co-author something with your cellmate, Patterson!

Wipe that grin off your face, MrBeast!

My kingdom for your head, Shakespeare!

I’m gonna sink my teeth into you, Butler!

Freeze, Vonnegut!

Have you lost your tamales, Toole?!

Don’t make this more complicated than it has to be, Pynchon!

I’m going to annihilate you, VanderMeer!

Swallow your pride and turn yourself in, Austen!

It’s not a mystery, I’m going to catch you, Christie!

Pull your head out of your ass and turn yourself in, Plath!

You can run, you can change your name, but you can’t hide, Hinton!

Here comes the goon squad for you, Egan!

You can’t write your own eulogy when you’re dead, Vance!

House rules! I win, Picoult!

Don’t be a NewEgg-Head, Surrender, F Scott.

The rest is scratched out.

As you can see, we are still missing many pages of this manuscript. We hope through continued efforts and maybe your help to eventually uncover the rest of Nightingale’s missing insults.