NEW YORK – Airport regulatory services and safety officials were shocked this week when four TSA agents were reportedly overpowered by a middle aged otaku wielding multiple katanas. Investigations later confirmed the assailant had rushed the security checkpoint with the purpose of retrieving his third katana that was confiscated at JFK earlier that day.

“It was the first time I had ever heard a terrorist yell Kamehameha,” recalls TSA agent Jennifer Bridges. “I initially grew suspicious when I heard him loudly charging up his power at the Frontier check-in counter. Unlucky for us, he had plenty of time to reach uncountable levels while weaving through the security line all afternoon. From a distance, he seemed to be charging up so fast that his Num-Chuks and Yu-Gi-Oh cards were falling out of his pockets. God, when he eventually reached the checkpoint… that’s when all hell broke loose. He unsheathed two of these long swords and danced around the metal detectors looking for the confiscated items bin. Between successfully dodging two of the six tasers we fired, he still found time to tilt his fedora and pose sensually every few seconds. I have to be honest, that scared me more than anything, so we kind of just gave him back his sword thing and then he ran back to the parking lot. I mean, we de-escalated the situation, right? I just hope they catch that guy.”

Following witness statements from Bridges, police were later able to use digital recordings of the event and official government records to identify the suspected assailant as Landon Cobbs.

“I knew we found the guy after we cross referenced video footage of the encounter to the government’s official ‘Hokage’ database,” says lead investigator Dillon Thompson. “It was a historic opportunity for all of us to finally use these Naruto inspired records since its inception over 20 years ago. Luckily, DOGE cut most of the National Science Foundation’s funding to keep this program alive, and thank God they did. We were quickly able to trace Cobbs’ where-abouts to a nearby NostalgiaCon to make an arrest.”

Cobbs was later taken into custody. Following the arrest, family and friends reached out in support of Cobbs while he awaited trial and some believe that there may be more to the case.

“It just doesn’t add up. He was just a normal guy, you know? I mean… I would know, I sold him his first 28 Katanas,” said Arthur Young, a close friend of Cobbs and full-time Japanese memorabilia and Manga distributor. “It’s just so unlike him… to only bring ONE katana to the airport. What was he thinking? He should know, as an Honorary Hokage, that a samurai must always have multiple katanas, with the embroidered Naruto sheath finish, with him at all times… It’s just odd for him to not be fully packed for his big trip to Tokyo, Tennessee. I guess he was just in a rush or just having an off day or something.”

At press time, Cobb’s family started a GoFundMe to raise enough bail money to buy Cobb a new Full Metal Alchemist poster for his cell, with hopes he may one day escape behind it ‘Shawshank Redemption’ style.