YELLOW SPRINGS, Ohio. โ As midterms draw nearer, Melvin Kaminsky, a Republican candidate for Senate has publicly backed a plan to build an Umbrella Corporation laboratory underneath the small Ohio town of Yellow Springs.
“We’re trying to make this country great and keep it that way. One of the best ways to do that is with underground Umbrella labs,” said Kaminsky at a campaign rally in Yellow Springs. “We need to support, sustain and grow communities like this one. Small towns are the backbone of American but they are dying. An underground Umbrella lab will bring jobs, it will boost the local economy, it will improve the quality of life without disrupting anything. Biotechnology is the future, you either adopt or get left behind.”
Many residents of the town are skeptical that such a lab would bring any benefits like Kaminsky claims.
“I don’t trust it. My brother in law is from Raccoon City and they had like three underground labs there and look what happened,” claimed skeptical resident Gary Manville. “They say it will bring jobs but no one in this town is qualified to perform viral genetic experiments. And how much damn electricity is it gonna need? Where will it get it from? Us. What about water pollution? God forbid there’s a contamination again. What is the BSAA even good for? How many goddamn viral outbreaks is the government gonna let happen before they realize no one wants these damn labs around?”
Despite large scale push back from residents across the country, Kaminsky isn’t the first Republican to publicly support more underground Umbrella labs being built.
“Umbrella is a wonderful organization. Really tremendous. Just wonderful. We’re gonna get them to build underground labs across the nation and it’s gonna be great,” said President Donald Trump from the Oval Office, accompanied by a mysterious blonde man in sunglasses. “They’re gonna bring jobs, they’re gonna bring evolution. They’re gonna help us beat China and make America great again. It’s gonna be glorious. We’ll keep the labs off the books if we need to. Umbrella and the U.S. government have very deep connections that will continue for decades to come.” Trump then slumped over seemingly dead before the blonde man then injected the president with a substance that miraculously cleared the black bruises from his hands and brought him back to life.
At press time, the town of Sterling, Virginia was evacuated after the town’s underground Umbrella lab accidentally released the Epsilon strain of the t-virus into the air.








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