DETROIT — Mario and Luigi, the most famous duo in the history of gaming, were outed as a married couple by the most famous duo in the history of low-fidelity, alt-country, bluesy, indie rock n’ roll by a guy and a girl in the early aughts, Jack and Meg White, the White Stripes.

The Whites published a since-deleted joint statement on the Instagram account for Earnest Narcissist, one of Jack White’s record labels.

“It’s not in our character to invade anyone’s privacy, but exposing the insidious lies and phobic myths perpetuated by multi-trillion dollar corporations like Nintendo is what our society needs most in this toxic era,” the statement read amid a sea of red-striped peppermint candy emojis. “Mario and Luigi are in fact not brothers, but a happily married couple who have been together since 1983. They must be allowed to live their lives freely. Hiding their true relationship is not fair to them or their fans. It’s the Blue Wave, woke is back, let them be the gay couple they are and not the phony siblings the Nintendo PR machine wants them to be.”

Nintendo denied the allegations of romance between the iconic moustached pair.

“What these rockstars in Detroit are doing, the movement they’re trying to start by accusing Mario and Luigi of being married, is sickening and disheartening,” said Buddy Beluga, a spokesperson for Nintendo. “Mario and Luigi are biological brothers. It’s literally in the contract they signed when we created them: They will always be brothers and they will always be plumbers. This is the lower-middle class we’re talking about here. These guys are on the ground fixing pipes and looking for princesses. They aren’t out there drinking root beer floats, if you know what I mean.”

On Thursday, Mario and Luigi held a press conference from a towering tree cliff on Shipshape Island and confirmed the Whites’ claim.

“Oh, we are so gay,” Luigi said, with Mario affectionately nibbling on one of his spearmint-green overall straps. “Everybody knows this. It’s not even a secret among our true fans. I mean if you ask us nicely, we’re more than happy to make love in front of you.”

At press time, Princess Peach made the argument that the real scandal isn’t that Mario and Luigi are banging—it’s that Mario and Luigi are banging while indeed also being biological brothers.